Locked

This morning I babysat for Livi and Eli. As 9 o'clock is outrageously early to be awake, and I can hardly be expected to function properly, I was dosing off while watching Disney Channel with the kiddies. When I uncomfortably arose 10 minutes later, the strangest 10 seconds of my life happened. Everything was disoriented, it was like I was still in a dream. Fogged with confusion,  I told my arm to shift positions several times. It remained limp by my side. When I began to realize what was going on, I concocted a sentence in my head, and began to form my lips so they could release the message. To my horror, nothing came out. My mouth was paralyzed as well. All of this happened so quickly that I didn't have much time to settle into panic mode, before I became fully awake. But for about 7 seconds this morning, I was in sleep paralysis, where your mind is awake but your body isn't. I was shaken for the majority of the hours following. 

This picture is of Eli, as he is being guarded by the protective walls of his fort. I still don't understand why being engulfed in a cave of pillows and blankets is one of the most entertaining activities as a child. Maybe the sense of ownership, of your own space? Even if it is only big enough to fit your 6 year old self. A lot more goes on in a 6 year old brain than we generally assume. 

Haze

Sometimes confusion cancels it out.

Genuine

I have been awake for 36 hours straight. It is a pretty 'off' feeling, because your body is well aware that something is missing. I also wasn't hungry the majority of the day today. I only ended up eating one crepe and dinner at the flirtacious Mexican restaurant. I have iron eyelids.

I came to the conclusion that Holden Days is only enjoyable if you are under the age of 13 or over the age of 65. And I also concluded that I am not going to have a career in business, or sales marketing because I am not outgoing enough to take the initiative to sell a product. Never the less, we sold quite a few bags of organic, kosher, dog treats to support NEADS. 

I have a handful of friends who seem to already have it all figured out. They know what they are aiming for, and know how they are able to achieve it. I envy this on one hand, but on the other it is just too nice to have any feeling towards besides extreme pleasure. I am so happy that they are this smart and genuine. Maybe one day I can mimic their behavior, or just find how to manage my own. 

I am currently blogging from Phoebe's new college laptop. I hate this thing, it is going to mercilessly tear her away from me and bring her to college.

 

Early

No part of me was anticipating waking up at 8:30 today. I took my jolly old time completing my daily AP work last night, fully relying on the fact that there was going to be nothing waking my slumbers in the morning. You know that feeling, when you are deep asleep, and something wakes you up so quickly that you think you feel every single one of your organs wake up? That's what I imagine anyways. Well, this morning my mother came into my room, busy and exasperated and said "EMILY! You have to pick up the CDs on the living room floor before the cleaning lady gets here!" I felt so disoriented that I forgot that put my glasses on, thus running into several objects on my way downstairs. As I finished my apparently life-or-death-matter, extremely-urgent task, I attempted to go back to sleep. About 10 minutes later I hear the power washer turn on outside on the deck, and the house begins to fill with a faint, yet potent smell of gasoline. Soon enough the fire alarm is blaring and I am sitting outside in the only smell-free zone I could find, cradling Stella. 

I like other's birthdays possibly more than my own, because of the challenge to make them as happy as possible. 18 18 18.