Resistance

I am being torn. The entire day, I have felt as if someone has attached a rope, or even a perpetual wire of some sort, to my heart and is trying with all their might to tug it down into a deep abyss of empty sadness. This constant tugging isn't what hurts, but the resistance to stay up in happy-land, that hurts. And I am not doing so well at resisting. 

It is a major weakness I have, my inability to say goodbye to people. The need to bid goodbye to loved ones, as well as things, is only going to get greater in my life as I grow older. Change helps you grow, and the sooner I accept that, the sooner I will gain the strength to allow it  to help me grow. In this aspect I have not aged much passed my sheltered childhood: Problem. In 2 years, when I have to leave my 18 years of comforting life behind, I hope I will be a strong, courageous enough of a person to do so with confidence and excitement. Like she is. 

in my dreams you're alive and you're crying, 

as your mouth moves in mine soft and sweet, 

rings of flowers around your eyes 

and I'll love you for the rest of your life.