Scramble

Isn't it weird, that there are aspects of ourselves that we don't even realize are there? And it is likely, that someone else has discovered these parts of you, when you are completely oblivious to the fact that you display hints of them? Wow that made absolutely no sense. Bottom line is that I think I have discovered something about a friend, that she herself is unaware of. Maybe she really does know, but isn't strong enough to believe and accept it. And the worst part is, some people never ever find that strength. 

So today was beautiful. And thought filled, and love filled, and happy, and changing. Yom Kippur is the Jewish 'Day of Atonement.' I have been practicing this holiday for as long as I can remember, but the purpose and meaning to it has always seemed to slide right past my naive mindset. But now  I have graduated from spending large portions of the service in the coat room, to escape boredom. No longer can I pass inappropriate notes to Phoebe who is by my side snickering endlessly. So, what to do but indulge myself into the service, and that I did. The prayer book that sat on my lap listed endless sins that we as the human race commit every day. Paragraphs and pages telling me how everyone has wronged them selves, their community and God, in so many ways. I have never realized how unnecessary all of the negative things I do and say are. In fact, they are so common and meaningless, that no one even notices! But somehow the thin pages of the prayer book knew it all. And thats when it hit me- WE ALL DO IT. We all suck sometimes, probably more than we even notice. Gossip sucks. Lack of patients sucks. Jealousy sucks. I want to stop having these feelings, and be more excepting, less judgmental, and have a better heart. So for all that, thats what I atoned for. And that is good enough for me. 

And you know what? Jealousy hides in every emotion possible before it will finally reveals itself, and surrenders to weakest traits of my personality.

Sorry if this blog made zero sense but thats okay because it is late and I am tired and I want to pass my APUSH test tomorrow. AND WHY? IS SO DAMN GOOD.