Twenty Ten

I have started reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for English. As the days of vacation rolled by, and this book remained untouched, I would grow more and more evasive to the sinking guilt inside me. So many other thoughts are linked to procrastination- failure, cheating, stupidity, laziness. Last night, as I melted into the zebra print of Phoebe's snuggie, by the fire, I opened the pages of my guilt. I made eye contact, focused, listened, and accepted it all. And you know what? Nothing bad happened! I was happy. As I felt Stella's seasoned body mold into the spaces between my thighs, my mind was also molding around the wise words of Jim:

You gwyne to have considerable trouble in yo' life, en considable joy. Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.

Everything suddenly became one huge metaphor, all twisted about into a web of realization and change. I seem to do that a lot, link everything. Because really, if you think hard enough, you can make everything relate. Here was the new year- a clean slate of opportunity.

Trying to re-capsulate 2009 was nearly impossible. One major thing I realized this year is that I have severe troubles controlling the amount that my sister effects me. Everything she thinks, does, wears, says, listens to, subconsciously crawls into my brain and massacres all of my own thoughts. In so many ways, I owe her the most sincere form of gratitude for this. In the latter years of this century she has widened my mind so far that sometimes it hurt. Introduced to countless amounts of music, movies, ideas. She made me confident, happy, and made me laugh more than anyone else ever has. I consider myself so lucky to have a guiding force like you in my life, Pheebs. I get extremely frightened when I think of myself without you. But all of this influence is only healthy to a certain extent. I realized this on September 6th, this past year, when the ending of our childhood together was finalized. I cried so hard. I was mercilessly terrified, not knowing that I could stand strong, alone on my own two wide feet. That last hug symbolized so much more than the physical separation of our bodies. It was an opportunity for me, one that I was in great need of. And now I am just rambling and being dramatic. But basically what I owe is a one huge lard of a thank you.

And to put it simply, in regards to every friend I have found something special in this year: i have arms for them. You are who I want to build myself out of, learn with, experience high school with. Aren't we so fortunate to have found such love?

To Do List of One Ohh

- learn
- read
- write
- accomplish
- travel
- succeed
- love
- build
- bake
- enable
- laugh
- help
- give
- warm another
- express
- create
- cry
- clean
- breathe in new air